Today, In America…

Iowa is preparing for presidential candidates to pass through the state and has decided the overcrowded GOP field forces them to create massive town hall stadium. Clinton’s campaign is the first to pass through the state, followed by Jeb, Sanders and Trump. The retreating Clinton campaign torched Iowa town to slow advance of Sanders volunteers. Meanwhile, across town, the Jeb Bush campaign kicks off a 3-state farewell tour with an Iowa town hall meeting. During the meeting, the Governor demands to know which star on American flag is Iowa’s, which results in an Iowan comforting sobbing Jeb Bush at town hall after the meeting. Shortly after Bush and Sanders leave Iowa, Trump’s campaign arrives. At a meeting, Trump tells Iowa dairy farmers he has cows 500 times bigger than theirs. Clearly upset by his comments, the dairy farmers leave and decide not to vote for Trump. After all the campaigns have gone through town, reporters are speaking to residents about their experience. An Iowa restaurant patron can remember every breakfast ruined by presidential candidates.

 

 

So this clearly isn’t the best story, but I tried to use exclusively article titles and as little filler as I could. I think it turned out pretty interesting! Links to articles are in the post instead of down here clumped together! I used articles from The Onion, because it is the best source for ridiculous news 🙂

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